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Wednesday, May 2, 2012

The Alpha Spider Taker Carer Of-er

Almost everyone I know has a certain level of fear when it comes to spiders. In general spiders are not usually welcome company.

For me, I don't mind a spider hanging out in a corner of my wall, far away from where I need to be. But if a spider is crawling on me or my things-- I might freak out a bit. And of course, the bigger and hairier the spider, the higher the level of screaming and arm flailing that will take place.

However, I have come to notice something pretty hilarious about group dynamics and spider killing. And that is, that if there is a group of people and a spider, there is such a thing called the Alpha Spider Taker Carer Of-er (a title I just made up). Seriously though! There is always one person of the group who will take charge and kill the spider (or take it outside). And I have noticed that depending on the group, the role of the Alpha may surprise you.

For me, when I am in a group of girls who are screaming and standing on chairs, I take charge (goes back to my tom boy days when I was 8 and liked to play sports and roll in dirt). If I'm with a group of boys, I find the most buff- looking guy and in a completely sexist way, give the responsibility to him (and then I stand on my chair). Sometimes the group of guys I am with are pansies and I end up taking care of the spider. Even when I say really unfair and sexist comments like "Are you man-- or a sissy?" the spider killing is the one exception that can make even the manliest and toughest guy in your group-- who opens beer bottles with his eyelids-- into a sniveling little boy standing on his chair screaming "Somebody save me!!!"As I said, the Alpha changes in every group of people you are with.

If I am all alone, I call my dad on the phone. My dad is Champion Alpha Spider Taker Carer Of-er! When I was little, I used to wake him up at 3am sometimes to kill a spider that was across the room on the ceiling because I couldn't sleep. And he would get out of his warm bed and stand on hazardous make-shift stands in an overly sleepy and dangerous state in which you shouldn't be balancing on things to kill the spider for me. My dad is the greatest. However now that I've been over 18 and a legal adult for the past 6 years, he will tell me to deal with it myself.

So sometimes I call a girlfriend who at first welcomes the challenge and then we will poke at a fleeing spider with super sturdy objects like a plastic bag or a paper towel (we hold the very ends of these items and just sort of wave it at the spider while screaming, which is actually highly ineffective).

So the other day I had a really interesting experience when I was alone and there were three spiders in my bathroom, on my makeup, which I had been applying... I first did the whole thing where I screamed and ran out of the room. And then I got the most Alpha "person" I had available to me at the time: my cat, Jasper.

Jasper likes things that crawl and move around that he can chase (like most cats). So I placed Jasper in the direction of the spider and Jasper took care of those bad boys in under a minute.

So my cat, Jasper is now the official Spider Taker Carer Of-er at my house. How did he take care of the spiders, you ask? He ate them. =D

So next time there is a spider and a group of people you're around, don't be quick to judge. The Alpha Spider Taker Carer Of-er of the group may surprise you.

1 comment:

  1. That was cute, and a novel perspective on spiders! Thanks!

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